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Women have the agency to be screened and tested routinely for HIV and other STIs (sexually transmitted infections), they can take PrEP or PEP, and negotiate condom usage in their sexual relationships. Regardless of her partner’s answer, HIV is a preventable disease. “I encourage women to have a conversation with any current or future partner about who they like to have sex with and their status.
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“Our sexual lives are complicated,” Ayala said. Many people don’t understand sexuality is fluid, that sexual behavior doesn’t completely define one’s sexual identity. That’s why at SisterLove, she said, “We talk to people about their relationships, who their partners are, if they are in what they believe is a monogamous relationship, and are they comfortable talking about condoms.”Īyala said some women are often unable to have open and unbiased conversations with their male partners about who they like to have sex with and how they like to have sex. This is a reflection of some of the internalized homophobia that exists in these relationships and also fuels why some people choose to remain closeted.” “If it’s a different gender, it doesn’t trigger the same response. “Where we struggle sometimes is there is a different level of indignation and anger that come when people find out that their partner has been engaged in sex with someone of the same gender,” she said. RELATED: An end to HIV in decade? First, Atlanta must catch up to other citiesĭeceit, Ayala said, happens in all relationships - black, white, heterosexual and homosexual. While there are closeted black men who sleep with men and women and black women who have acquired HIV by positive closeted men, studies show down low men are not fueling HIV among African American women. When it comes to sexual identity, Ayala said the “term ‘down low’ is extremely problematic because it is used to place blame on men presumed to be gay and can lead to criminalizing men living with HIV who might not disclose their status.”īeyond that, she said, the myth of the down low man has been debunked. Yes and no, said Sequoia Ayala, director of policy and advocacy at the nonprofit SisterLove Inc. I’ve heard similar stories over the years and know at least one woman personally who fell victim to a lover she believed was heterosexual only to find out, after marrying him, that he was gay.Īre men still operating on the down low or are these women outliers? Every day I am reminded of how I was conned.” “I have a serious problem with men that marry, have children all while going downtown for trysts in a car with a (male) stranger. “I do not have a problem with whom you sleep with,” she wrote. I only began considering the question after a reader wrote to me recently saying she’d been caught in such a tangled web. Are closeted gay men still having sex with men and women in 2019? RELATED: The silent epidemic: Black gay men and HIVīut really. Helene Gayle, then director of the CDC’s National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention. The most likely scenario in many of those cases in women was that their partner contracted the virus after having sex with another man, said Dr. Lynn Harris, whose novels followed the life of a man who struggled with his attraction to men and women.